I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
someone threw a dead crab at me
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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