only if we run a train.
done.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
