Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
