Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
