Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
