Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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