i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
