You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So much rum. So many feels.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize