Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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