you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
