you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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