she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
