i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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