So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
