If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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