Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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