It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
