dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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