YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
