I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
