I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
