Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize