Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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