went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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