I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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