is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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