guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize