why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
