He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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