Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
