Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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