first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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