some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
