the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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