Soap is not a condiment
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
