I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
