Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
