just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
