this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
