She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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