I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
