My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
