I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
