Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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