You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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