yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
