My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
