i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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