FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
