There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
