I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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