everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
please don't ironically join a cult
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