He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
