You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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