You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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