So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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