god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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