So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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