I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You ruined the universe
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
