Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
