I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
