hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
