I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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