grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
