the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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