i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
