I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
either way he was missing a nipple.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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