new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
