I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
