took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
