You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
