I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
