She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
