I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You took a bar mat shot.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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