The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
