Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just invented taco cereal.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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