my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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