youre lurking in front of me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
