i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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