Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
