i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
